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American writer wife Elizabeth and Dan decided to experiment, loyalty doubt, fear will "hidden snake" scared out Dan to focus on cooking, making all sorts of strange food, so that the couple exchanged by his wife crazy e-mail, on the other side of the body upon request
 
"New York Times" special correspondent Elizabeth Weir and writer and surfer Dan know for 11 years, married for nine years, job stability, the mortgage has been paid off, the girls grew up, marriage has lost the passion, the two sides of the defect appears to be growing the more difficult to tolerate. You can make this marriage passion regain it? After conducting experiments for some time, the couple found that the quality of their marriage made considerable improvements. Elizabeth. Vail put this experience into a book "No Cheating, No Dying", forthcoming. Recently, Elizabeth. Vail received the "Bund" interview, talked about the difficult marriage after the couple to spend time. She said, "a good marriage that can allow the growth of both parties and give them the ability and courage to face the world."
 
Wen / Lu Yan Liu Luo (internship)
 
In an interview with the "Bund" interview, American writer, "New York Times" special correspondent Elizabeth. Vail straight to the point: "My marriage is quite good,Louboutin Botte, but I think could be improved, because my husband had a lot of action so that was devastating give a simple example: Last spring, he was in the basement fiddle with a cutter to a Frozen pig cut into small pieces, put into small jars to store, of course, I also have many places to make him mad like me hate French kissing;.. often uncritically rejected the proposal of Dan; Dan midnight when I will vomit pretending to sleep. But I think Dan more excessive than I remember when we hold family gatherings country house in Maine, he had threatened to severely beat my brother meal. Nevertheless, our marriage is still very good overall of. "
 
So, what prompted Elizabeth couple of them, "the overall situation is good," a marriage made to improve test it? & Nbsp; & nbsp;
 
His mind
 
One night, Elizabeth lying in bed, suddenly had an idea: to improve her and Dan marriage.
 
Elizabeth told the "Bund" reporters, marriage, whether it is work, socialize, exercise is extremely troublesome children,http://www.qiyueyu.com.cn/news/html/?203459.html, she is responsible due diligence. The same is true husband Dan, and actively learn a variety of new skills, tireless get "just like asking for trouble." In the nine years of marriage, Dan transforms herself into a skilled carpenter, good cook, tireless athlete. Now he is reading a training manual loading of the former Soviet Union, hoping to exercise 41-year-old body into a burly teenager physique.
 
Sadly, Dan thought his various initiatives to improve the marriage of medicine, who knows Elizabeth is "not pleasant." Despite these efforts, the couple's intimate relationship disappeared.
 
Elizabeth said: "Why do we live so passive in the end we are afraid to lose what I want to know why??."
 
That night, Elizabeth took her idea to Dan: "My opening statement is this: Our marriage is like the waves,http://home.att.ne.jp/wind/pal9000/cgi-bin/yybbs.cgi, is under the sea undercurrent determines the shape and direction." He gasped, looked at each other look Elizabeth then said: "Do you remember,http://xgxx.cn/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=1391929&extra=, I just moved to San Francisco in the third day met you you still remember what it was like when you were you are a surfer and writer, handsome extraordinary, full of.? charm. 11 years later, we have two children, two jobs, a house. Are our lives really from the future into a backwater it? "
 
After some heart to heart, the couple decided unanimously: in a marriage relationship remains strong when it begin to improve it. They also agreed that now is the time, or else after this village no this shop. Their two daughters, a 4-year-old, a 7 year old, do not need to have a day care; the couple's work has been on track, broadly stable; the house is paid off the loan.
 
Elizabeth began to read a lot of psychology books, found her thoughts belong to a common phenomenon. "Clinical Psychology" said the general couples seeking marital therapy prior to the first time, has been almost six years of a lack of coordination.
 
Marital Status
 
Dan on his wife's proposal expressed doubts. He cited a California saying: If you think the trees have sex, it is best to be mentally prepared, because it will scare the snake hidden.
 
July 1, 2000, Elizabeth and Dan were married in California. Dan is 32 years old that year, 30-year-old Elizabeth. Both parents marriages lasted 40 years. Dan grew up in Berkeley, California, his parents indulge in the romance between husband and wife, leading Dan feel they have been ignored. When Dan in high school, the girls do not want to talk to him, Dan asked his mother for advice, my mother said, Dan is so handsome that the girls were shy and could not dare speak to him. Elizabeth's parents while raising three children in Massachusetts, because busy working, there is no opportunity to express intimate feelings between husband and wife.
 
After the wedding, the couple had considered issues that may arise between them should be the money and religion substandard (Elizabeth was a Jew, Dan is a Christian). Later, living proof, both do not pose a problem. They set up in the 21st century-style marriage companions: Dan and Elizabeth, in addition to being partners, lovers, parents and best friend cooperation on economy,Louboutin Homme, work or other assistant, editor and first readers.
 
Tough start
 
A good marriage should be like? More interesting conversation? More intense sex,http://www.jnu365.cn/thread-787921-1-1.html?
 
Professor of psychology at the University of Rochester Harry. Reese to present a variety of interpretations of marriage analogy to "elephant": While everyone feel elephants are correct, but no one knows in the end the entire elephant is like. Dan and Elizabeth finally reach agreement: firmly believe that through to try and explore a better marriage and a measure will appear. They began cf. Javier. Dr. Hendricks authoritative as a "get what you want love," began specifically to improve their marriage.
 
Elizabeth and Dan started first project: Make a list contains its own characteristics, which is characterized by "you want to be commended but the other partner has never had commended." Elizabeth told the "Bund", even though Dan has been very much looking forward to get her evaluation, but she is very good at making him praise.
 
The first step, complete the following sentence in as many ways: "When you ...... I feel loved and concern."
 
Dan quickly wrote: "I took the initiative to kiss; finishing kitchen,http://www.gzmega.com.cn/news/html/?159187.html; say I look very strong."
 
Psychologist Michael. Vincent. Miller in "intimate terrorism: Love's disillusionment crisis" in the depiction of marriage sharply. He believes that marriage is a "beautiful dream" of mockery, because married life is full of defects, "Who needs can be met in the brutal competition", "two people are trying to get to meet the emotional and psychological, but but in the end only one person can be met. " Elizabeth and Dan found that they really put each other as competitors in the. "This feeling soon after we were married already,http://test.xyssfs.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=374463, in which to buy a house? How much is enough? Who will take care of the children, who go to the gym? With solve the problem, our relationship has become a little better. But the moment this competition thinking back between us. "Elizabeth recalls.
 
The second step, the memories of romantic moments during intercourse. Complete the following sentence: "When you ......, I feel loved and being taken care of." Dan read: "'When we go out with a provocative look staring at me,' you kidding me you did not go out to see? me. In addition to the child, you are indifferent to everything else ah. "
 
Elizabeth heard the remark, fall into the trough mood: "I have always thought, I have tried not to become the love away from her husband to the child's mother, apparently I failed but Dan did not husband and father of two roles. to find a balance between, but his problem is just the opposite with me. He often ignored the child. "
 
Elizabeth suddenly realized a fact: her favorite books on marriage, such as Calvin. Terui Lin "About Alice" and John. "Fantasy of the Year" Didion, in which the marriage made her yearn for the reason, because the party turned out to be dead.
 
Marriage School
 
There is a perception that the US academic community: the couple must learn better through marriage. Marriage education campaigns promoters little Bernard. Gurney priest "Strengthening Marriage," a book that the marriage relationship "similar to want to play but do not know how to play tennis confusion experts provide treatment like tennis coaches to teach the students,Louboutin Talon Compensé, even though time-consuming, but always have a good result. "
 
Elizabeth and Dan reported a training course, this class need to spend 16 hours, called "Mastering the mysteries of love." Teaching students how to carry out "skillful dialogue" and similar skills, the purpose is to stop "to see who wins the war of words in the" war often occur. From the training content, the starting first by a man describe his or her feelings, these feelings confirmed by another person,Louboutin à Bout Ouvert, and then repeat word for word.
 
Accompanied by soft background music,http://www.marineelectronicsjournal.com/how_to_buy.cgi, Elizabeth and Dan sat began their "skillful dialogue" on the couch. Dan Elizabeth imitate the tone: "It makes me unbearable noise, you'd better keep quiet at home." Elizabeth imitation of Dan: "Food is a very important part of the family, it is a source of health and happiness, make you three times a day appreciate the lifestyle you want to pursue. "
 
The problem stems from a long-term couple quarrel Focus: household division of labor. Hannah was born after the first child,Louboutin Mary Jane, Elizabeth and Dan almost every night repeating the same conversation: Do you want to cook or want children? Dan always choose to cook, Elizabeth always choose children. Seven years on, Dan became a "distinguished and squandered," the chef, the couple spend money on meals greatly exceed the budget. They eat very well. Refrigerator stuffed with seasonal food: homemade stains salmon fillets, organic milk, salted sardines, lettuce, lobster with lemon, parmesan cheese, goat cheese, leek, garlic, egg blue bottle coffee there. Saturday night, Dan will prepare for Elizabeth fried salmon, truffle flavor polenta, Madeira white wine. Dan would like to take culinary escape the question, "What? I cook!" Elizabeth had to go take care of starving, hoarse children and worry source of income at home.
 
Style and the noise he made Dan crazy cook make Elizabeth, she has been hoping to have a complaint away from all the noisy sites. Dan also dissatisfied with his wife to fight back: secretly put the fried pig's ear salad, made strange for her to eat breakfast; children the flour jar overturned, his indifference, at 6:45 am, when muffins and champagne grapes.
 
Elizabeth knew Dan's love for cooking and obsessive-compulsive disorder just to resolve his anxiety disorder trying to give him a bit nervous to order. If there is no way such a vent, Dan almost to collapse, and he would throw tantrums crumbles. Theoretically, Elizabeth respect his approach, even appreciate the energy transfer. But one in real life she must fight.
 
That afternoon, the couple in such a harsh way to communicate, this practice seems to open a Pandora's box, the situation is getting very "unhappy." But whatever the outcome, they realized the war of words will only add to the pain. That night at home,http://hiroshima-asahi.net/cgi-def/admin/C-002/bbs-1/visit/main.pl?PAGE_NUM=1, they had the first "no dispute evening," Elizabeth tells Dan a story of her childhood, she never told this story before he mentioned it, because she lacked security.
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